she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
