Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
