I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
it's like iHOP with fire
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
