How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
