I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
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