wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Randomize
