I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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