Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
