im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
