Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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