yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
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Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
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I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
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