I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
