someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
why do cheetos always look like penises
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Randomize
