I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
