Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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