I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Randomize
