I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
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i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
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