So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
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