My liver just broke up with me...
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
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the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
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It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.