You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...