um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
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And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
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My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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