I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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