Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Randomize
