all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Randomize
