You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
