glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
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