I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Randomize
