I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
