somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
