i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I don't deserve a penis
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize