Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
