It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
