fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
