the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
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Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
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PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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