If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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