apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
