Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
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