I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
