It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
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