pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
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