We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Randomize
