answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
