What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Who did Billy Mays play for?
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
