If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
