i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
