so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Randomize
