my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
