We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I want a musical about memes.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
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