My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
