i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Randomize
