u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Randomize
