i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
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