That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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