We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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