Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
