There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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