i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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