I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
you would pick up someone in the library
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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