So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Randomize
