a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
