Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
