i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
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