I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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